


Scars

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24081505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: “I wish I could have been there for you.”Maddie asks Chimney about his accident after a tough day at work.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Scars

“I wish I could have been there for you.” 

The words came suddenly, unprompted as Maddie’s fingers had gently traced over the scar on Chimney’a forehead. His eyes has fallen to a close, both of them laying on their sides to face each other as they laid in bed after a long day following the aftermath of a pile up. He was exhausted and she had claimed to be as well, but since they had climbed into bed ten minutes previously, she had been grazing her fingers against his forehead. 

When she spoke, he opened his eyes to glance at her, “Huh?” He was confused, he could partly blame the tiredness but the unexpected words that had fallen from Maddie’s lips had thrown him. “I wish I could have been there for you.” She repeated herself, as though it was obvious what she was talking about. 

When he didn’t say anything, the woman took a deep breath, “When you had your accident.” She finally clarified and his hand moved to grab hers when his scar suddenly started to burn. He knew it was all mental but for a moment, he was reminded of one of the most terrifying moments of his life. He loved Maddie but he had never spoken of that day, just as she barely spoke about the years she spent being abused by her ex-husband. They acknowledged it had happened, that sometimes bad things happened to good people but they didn’t have to discuss it. Not in any detail. 

He still didn’t say anything, but instead flinched away when she pulled her hand out of the grip he had on it and placed it back on his forehead, just letting her fingers dance along his skin. “Do you hate it?” 

“Why are we talking about this?” Chimney sat up quickly as he snapped, he never snapped at his girlfriend and whilst he regretted it, he didn’t take it back. She sat up too and he was relieved when she only moved to rest her hand on top of his as she shuffled her body a little closer to his. “Because we haven’t spoken about it before.” Was her only answer, and he wondered how long she had wanted to ask but had stopped herself. 

As he moved to lay back down, he wrapped an arm around her to pull her down with him. Maddie rested her head on his shoulder, her lips pressing to his neck as her eyes fell to a close. Her hand rested on his chest, feeling the faint pulsation of his heart beating. She was about to say something to break the silence but when he took a deep breath, she hoped it was a good sign that he would say something about the accident that she hadn’t heard from Buck. 

Chimney had told her what had happened, in more robotic terms than anything – he had crashed, a rebar had gone through his skull, he had amazed everyone and his doctors that he had come through the other end with nothing more than a telling scar on his forehead. But she wasn’t interested in what happened, she wanted to know how he felt. 

“I don’t hate it.” His grip tightened on her, “I just don’t like thinking about it. It’s kind of like it happened to someone else, you know? I don’t feel like the person who was supposed to die that day, I don’t know who that person was.” He took a breath, Maddie still didn’t say anything but she curled her fingers around his shirt to let him know she was still listening. “I just remember feeling so scared but it wasn’t really until almost a year after that I cried about it. I just keep getting told what a miracle it is that I survived, that I don’t have any brain damage… I see good people die so often and I still wonder why them, and why not me? And then I look in the mirror and I see the scar and I wonder if I’m living my life in a way a person who should have died, should.” 

The tears fell before he could stop them, his instinct was to wipe them away, angry at himself for crying about something that had happened years ago. And for a second, angry that Maddie would bring it up when he was so exhausted. 

“Do you still feel that way?” She finally whispered, and she pulled away from him to press her lips to his cheek and then against his scar. 

He took a moment to think about it, and he realised he quite often questioned himself, wondering why he was deserving of a second chance when so many people weren’t. “Sometimes.” He answered honestly, “But there’s so many things in my life to be happy about, I don’t feel as much guilt as I once did.” 

“Survivors guilt.” The woman muttered, a tone of understanding in her voice. They had both been through so much, she was just glad they had each other to see through whatever else life decided to throw their way. “I just wish I could have been there, so you didn’t feel alone. The thought of you feeling alone and scared... I don’t know how to explain it but I just, the thought terrifies me. I was talking to that man in the car today, and he was trapped and he was completely on his own and I didn’t even know you when it happened to you but you were all I could think about.” 

Tears stung her eyes, “I just wanted you to know that no matter what, you’ll never not have me.” Her voice was confident and he gave her a small, tired smile, “Are you going to let me sleep now?” She shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe, do you want to take me through all the life changing moments of your life now or later?” 

She giggled when he let out a groan and wrapped both his arms around her to pull her as close to him as he possibly could without her being physically on top of him. He whined her name when her lips moved against his neck, as her hand travelled down his chest towards the bottom of his shirt. “You’re not going to let me sleep are you?” 

An innocent look on her face followed when he opened his eyes and she shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe I should show you how I would have helped you heal…” Chimney perked up at that, a smirk graced his lips, realising how much he loved these little moments with the woman he planned on spending the rest of his life with. How they could go from serious and emotional to flirtatious within just a few moments. 

“You could have just opened with that.”


End file.
